


Now cracks a noble heart

by dmdiane



Series: The inevitability of time [4]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Carrie Fisher was a goddess, Family Loss, Gen, Grief/Mourning, just feeling sad today
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 20:21:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9089290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dmdiane/pseuds/dmdiane
Summary: "The seven-hour vigil is over. Leia Skywalker Organa Solo took her last breath moments ago, her hand tightly held in Finn’s, Finn’s forehead on her shoulder. Poe Dameron rests his hand on his love’s neck and aches for him."Just a very brief something because, feelings. You know.





	

The seven-hour vigil is over. Leia Skywalker Organa Solo took her last breath moments ago, her hand tightly held in Finn’s, Finn’s forehead on her shoulder. Poe Dameron rests his hand on his love’s neck and aches for him. This is something he’d never wished, ever, on anyone. Never for Finn. The room is emptying of medical personnel and Poe imagines Admiral Akbar making this announcement in the planning council chambers. He imagines the news spiraling away from them through the ether to all points of the galaxies at the speed of light. He’s sure that when they leave this room, millions already know what they know now. She’s gone. He can feel Finn’s breath, deep and hitching, in absolute contrast to the still body beside them that was only moments ago, their leader. The thought of this news reaching Ben Solo flits through is mind and he shoves the consideration aside.

Poe has missed his mother for damn near three decades. And while Finn has survived more loss than imaginable, his whole world, twice, none of that will prepare him for this loss. Nothing can. 

It’s just to two of them here. Poe’s heart is so tightly clenched in his chest he can hardly breathe. Leia started mothering Finn the moment she saw him and she was, has been, is exactly what he needed, needs. More, he is what she needed, too. As much as Poe loves Finn, Leia loved him more, because that’s what parents do, isn’t it. Isn’t it?

In the next moment, Poe, who’s been so well protected behind his attention to Finn’s grief, is swamped by a flash flood of sadness that runs deep and wide, ripping him from his moorings, filling him with tears, clawing at his breath, bringing his head down to Finn’s shoulder. It makes no sense that anything has come to this. Another anchor yanked away when it seems he needs it most. Gods, one day his father will die. Even Admiral Ackbar won’t outlive them, though he’s outlived scores of his students. Poe snatches another breath, then another, hauls his messy feelings in to some kind of order. He’s needed. He drops a kiss on Finn’s neck.

“What am I going to do?” Finn’s voice is muffled in the sheets.

Poe doesn’t have an answer. He knows what happens next, but not how it will feel. What happens next will be public and big and about the past. What happens next will not inform the future. The unimaginable future without her. Right now it feels as if the wind beneath the wings of resistance has entirely stilled. Poe knows how many critical resistance leaders have died before any kind of peace or freedom is earned. Saw Gerrera, Yoda, Ben Kenobi, Mon Mothma, Shara Bey… Poe sucks in air. Thinking of her in the company of the legends isn’t helping. Yet.

Finn sits up. He tucks Leia’s hand under the sheets. He glances up to find Poe’s eyes, wet and close. “You okay?” Poe asks. Stupid question, but full of affection and worry.

“No. Not even close.” Finn says. He wipes his hand over his face. “But. Still here. You?” 

Poe shakes his head. “It’s a close thing. What do you need?”

“Her.” Finn offers. He takes a breath. “You.” He allows. “Sleep.” He’s been up for two days, since Leia fell in the council chambers, the victim of old injuries coming back to take her. He hasn’t left her side or let go her hand until now. He stands, stretches with a small groan. He turns from the bed into Poe’s arms. “Thank you." 

Poe holds him close. “What for?” He scrubs a hand over Finn’s tight curls, cups the back of his neck. He presses his mouth to Finn’s jaw. “Love you. I’m so, so sorry.”

“Her son should’ve been here.” Finn grumbles.

Poe frames his face, makes him meet his eyes. “You were.”  He traces his thumbs over his cheeks, wipes away tears. He presses his forehead to Finn’s. “But, yeah. I know what you mean.” They both know how much she wanted her son back. She never stopped believing there was still good in him, even in the face of his patricide.

The door opens behind them and both men turn. Master Skywalker steps into the room. Finn and Poe pull apart. Luke moves to the bedside and puts his hand on his sister’s head.

“We should go.” Finn says, resting a hand on Luke’s shoulder.

“Of course not.” Luke says softly. His eyes don’t leave his sister’s face. “You’re meant to be here. She was content to hold your hand into the next reality.”

Finn had felt Leia come and go from their force bond all morning. He realizes she was also bonded to her brother as she died. “She was incredible.” He whispers 

“She was.” A smile touches Luke’s mouth. “She was a force of nature.” He chuckles. “Strongest person I’ve ever known.” Somehow, Luke’s presence brightens the room. He leans on the bed and crosses his arms across his chest. “The first time I saw her, I was wearing Stormtrooper armor. 

Finn’s brows rise. Poe grins.

“Aren’t you a little short for a Stormtrooper?” Luke grins. “First thing she ever said to me. But, you know, she was able to make you confident just by looking at you.”

Finn squints. This is so true it hurts. “Her magic.”

“Part of it.” Luke’s expression quiets.

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do.” Finn glances at her and back to Luke.

“I suspect you do.”

“I can’t.”

Poe’s gaze bounces between them, the air crackles with sudden power.

“I didn’t think I could either. Not today.” Luke says. “Yet, she has a way of insisting.”

“Yeah.” Finn nods.

“We’re needed in the Council chambers now.” Luke says. “Come on.” It’s as if Leia leaves the room with them.

Poe wants to take Finn home. It’s been only months since Finn and Rey rescued hundreds of children from the Order. Finn hasn’t slept well since. Holding Finn together makes Poe’s decision several weeks ago to stop flying combat missions simple and painless. Though he remains the Commander of the fleet and flies escort and transportation runs for the Resistance officers. In the evening, every evening, he’s home. He couldn’t be more grateful than today.

The planning chamber is silent, filled to brimming with a painful mix of shock and sorrow. Those close to the General knew what torture had cost her in the form of a compromised immune and circulatory system. She’d never shied away from talking about the price of resistance. Others only saw the hero and are stunned she’s fallen.

~

Finn stands absolutely still as Ackbar talks about Leia, honors her. Poe’s hand at the small of his back is his lifeline. Finn is intimately acquainted with death and loss. This is the first time he knows exactly what he is losing. He has no idea where of whom he was kidnapped from. He can mourn the idea of having a home, being part of a family, and he does. He mourns the score of boys and girls left by the wayside of the Order. He mourns Poe’s mother, the storied and beautiful hole in his chosen family. None of those losses prepared him for losing something, someone, so tangibly his. None. He feels scooped empty and bereft.

Ematt says something. There are several holo-projections lighting up near the logistics table. Messages are being relayed from across the galaxy scrolling across the largest display. It all translates to jibberish and Finn stands still. He wants nothing more than to lie down and recall every memory of her he has. Her wry smile. Her bottomless stare. Her wit and her anger, so complexly woven together. Her loneliness. He blinks back tears. If you live long enough, you see the same eyes in different people. Maz said that. Finn blinks again. He wants to live long enough to see Leia’s eyes again.

Everyone around him seems to move at once and Finn snaps back to the present. Whatever it was, it’s over and somehow there’s still work to be done. The crowd gathered in chambers breaks apart. Poe has a hand at his elbow.

“Let’s go home.” Poe says.

Walking across the room Finn notes people giving him a wide berth, not meeting his eyes. There are too many nudges and pats of sympathy without any real contact.

“Rey will be here tonight.” Poe comments. They’re outside where it’s early evening, still light, and Finn was sure it must be the middle of the night. “Finn.” Poe’s voice.

“Good. That’s good.” Finn offers.

Poe stops walking, faces him. “This doesn’t get any better.” He says. “But, you will eventually get used to it. We will eventually get used to this.”

~

Rey walks through the house, spinning to take it all in as quickly as possible. “You grew up here?”

“Yes.” Poe answers, amusement in his reply. She knows where they’re going. Her delight is contagious.

She motions to Poe and Finn. “Come on. I can feel it.” She ducks out the back door, laughing.

Finn lifts a shoulder. Poe takes his hand. They trail out in her wake.

The tree in the large courtyard welcomes them with shining leaves and branches. Though the day is bright, it is brighter. Poe gives Finn a soft push and Finn lets go his hand to put both hands on the trunk of the tree. The Force sings to him through his fingers. Welcome. Found. Kept. Beloved. And then he hears. ‘These are your first steps. Hope is not lost… it is found.’ Leia’s voice wraps around him and answers him before he’s even asked a question.


End file.
